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Dear whatever your name ist,

I'm a little frustrated today. Maybe it's just 'cause of the grey sky above me. So I have to calm myself down with a shower and tidying up my room for my move to Hannover. Just start with select the things I need there.
But I'm in anger with these sort of guys they don't answer to important messages its. It's a disease of the digital world. When we don't get an answer in one or about a couple of hours, we're angry. Then, afer 2 or 3 days, we hate this guy.
I don't want to run around to get my things back. In future I wan't borrow everything ... first I'm naiv and then I got so much useless stress 'cause of other people untrustworthiness ...
  • Listening to: radio
  • Reading: my own blog entry
  • Watching: on the pc screen
  • Playing: life 4d real life stuff ... wow, that's creepy rea
  • Eating: coconut stuff and yoghurt with some healthy stuff
  • Drinking: i ... need ... sugarfree energydrink
Being a trainee is nice but sometimes it's kind of disappointing that I don't earn much money to spend on my photography and painting stuff.
it's going on my nervs but I'm not that kind of girl that just wants a rich boyfriend to get all she ever wanted from the material world. I don't want a boyfriend who pays for me. I just want to earn it on my own (so it wasn't the best idea to change my way of career but I've realized that i couldn't become happy with the job I've had. And I really loved to work as a waitress - but I can't work the whole night ... so I think I will become a kind of office worker thingi).
Having a job that makes me happy and prove myself valuable is more important than just have money and be unhappy 'cause of something.
Why should I stay together witfh a guy who dissapointes me twice a week or make me unhappier than anyone?
I desearve to be happy.
I live for myself, not for others.
And so I don't want a guy who pays for me. One of my ex boyfriends always want to make me happy and paid instead I don't want it. In the end of the relationship he wanted all that money back. Crazy shit. No other way to express himself that he's unhappy with my desicion to left him?
I don't want that bullshit again. I'm adult and I wish that other people who are adult, too, would act like this.
  • Listening to: radio
  • Reading: Spiegel Online
  • Watching: on the screen
  • Playing: cooking whatever game on smartphone
  • Eating: chia pudding with matcha and soy milk
  • Drinking: sugarfree energydrink
8 am in the morning, Friday. I'm just in the Pharell Williams Happy mood and just finished my sixties glamour makeup 'cause today I'll visit a gallery in Hamburg and go shopping afterwards. I upload a selfie at instagram. The light is not the best, it's before sunrise, but who cares? It's just a little fun selfie.
Then a comment says that the girl don't like that I don't smile so much at this pic.
Another one means she don't like it when people don't smile at pics.

Okay, what's this? Emotional censorship of members of social media?
Next time when I'm drunken, angry or crying, I will take tons of selfies.
Nobody should forced to smile or make a duckface 'cause everybody smiles or make a duckface.
embedded_item1421400776657 by IHanakoI
Yesterday I went to theatre, student theatre to help them. I don't know why, I had just too much freetime, I think 'cause instead of a nice "hI, how are you?" I got a "very nice": "oh, you've got a red coat, too. Mine looks better, yours look like shit." Okay .... my boyfriend loves that red coat, b*tch, so beware of him. You're are a lucky blond moroon 'cause my bf went to opera in Kassel this evening.
thop random sketch by IHanakoI
Not in a good mood. Some guys are just *ssholes.
One of the 'cause I left him, okay, I've got a new boyfriend I'll marry, how cruel and all I want is not the half of the rent for our apartment or other things, I just want my father's guitar bag.
The other person is just jealous, too and instead of say to me that I am a b*tch who is in a couple with the man this person love, this person just treat me as a friend and is so sorry for this or that ... *ullshit.
I'm not a blondie, I'm smart. I know that you don't like the fact that I kiss the mouth you always wanted ......
Hello everyone out there in the world wide web!

In the last time I haven't written at my blog, but i think it's a good day today to write a little 'cause the storm is really terrible. I'm just excited by this lazy Sunday. Tommorow I have to drive back to Göttingen and work. So today it's time to paint, be lazy and happy about doing nothing.

So it's already 2015.

That's nice 2014 wasn't a good year for me. The December was cruel. I was sick for about 4 weeks. And the whole 2014 was really stressful. I don't want to think of these awful "What, if ..." Clauses ...... so it's time to do things better.

 Private stuff:
  • just stay together with real friends and cancel false friends: I've already tried this in 2014 and it worked good.Why should I hold contact with people who didn't like me or talk gossip about me behind my back?
  • stay in contact with true friends who live far away
  • visit true friends who live far away
  • more sports - ski in winter and something different for the months without snow - maybe Yoga?

  • taking more photos when the weather is good
  • finish my next drama text until February
  • exibit some of my paintings (maybe in Göttingen?)
  •  try out oil colours and watercolour pencils

cosmetics and fashion:
  • don't buy useless things
  • tidy up my cosmetic collection
  • don't feel punished to buy everything when somebody say it's good
  • to google swatches before I buy cosmetics
  • tidy up my clothes
  • wear more white blouses
  • wear more dresses

 Social Media:
  • o duckface anymore
  • smile!!!
  • to blog more often

  • visit a friend in Oxford
  • drive to Prague
  • visit Amsterdam Light Festival 2015/16 in December
Heute Morgen in Stade mit meiner Mutter zum letzten Christmas Shopping zu fahren war sehr nostalgisch. Früher, als ich noch nicht fotografiert habe, ist mir gar nicht aufgefallen, wie hübsch die Stadt ist, selbst bei dem heutigen Miesepeternieselwetter. Nur etwas traurig war ich, dass Stein und Bein, ein Esoterikgeschäft, einem Lederwarengeschäft weichen musste.
embedded_item1419352748609 by IHanakoI
This year December was easy peasy. Most of December I will ill. My mother gets "dutch cheese in saxony, my father his favourite shower gel brand, my boyfriend get a lot of pics and some other stuff. This year i love to paint with glitter and water colour technique.
embedded_item1419344838473 by IHanakoI
It's Monday and I am very moody today. Why is Christmas a reason for every one to be mean?  
way of the dragon by IHanakoI
Diesen Pferdedeckenschals von Zara kann ich irgendwie so rein gar nichts abgewinnen ^^" die erinnern mich höchstens an  den unterirdischen Kleidungsstil meiner Lehrerinnen inder 9. Klasse mit extra dickem Holzschmuck und extra spitzen Stiefeln.
I'm just happy today.
I finished lion for my aunt and the whale for mycousins.
Tommorrow I want to finish Smaug and the pic for my best friend. And i want to paint a coraline fanart and another pic with a lot of glitter on a 30x30 cm canvas for my best friends in Göttingen.  So wish me good luck with my plans.
When my bf and I were in Amsterdam I realized one big truth: in Germany, especially my personal experiences in Göttingen, showed me that most of the persons there don't care about you, they care just about that that you have to work and be productive like a machine. When you have some problems or are in trouble they don't care about you anymore. And behind your neck they gossip about. Okay, i don't care about gossip and the personal taste of people. But I would like to surround me with person who care about me not only when I help them.
Totally dumb - first a guy writes me and then he shows me his dislike 'cause I just want who he is
embedded_item1418996641981 by IHanakoI
You know - i was away for a long time so don't be to angry with me when I load up a lot of stuff from the years 2007 until yet - I had so many nice pics of the last years and just want to share these great moments with you!
okay, guys. One tip: Don't show around your penis all over the world via www.
And I can see them, maybe your mother and maybe your future boss.
And what should I say to your penis? Penis don't look good and taking pics of your penis or vagina with cellphone isn't very good and nice - it's cheap.
It isn't artistic nude, it's porn.
I'm here at deviantart to show you my art. So boys, listen:
You might think I look not good or good. That's okay.

But I've got a loveable boyfriend and don't wanna try to cheat him or get some porno pics of you.

Got it?
I'm still alive. Today is painting day. The weather is not good, so i'll start with a portrait with a mix painting technique. I also want to finish the second Elmo painting today
embedded_item1418807255511 by IHanakoI
The last two days were kind of stressful. Instead 5 1/2 hours at the train is okay for me ... it always makes me kind of tired.
Yesterday i had to take the 7 am train. It was nice instead of some pupils until 8 am, afterwards is was quiet.
Then at 1 pm at work i felt kind of pissed 'cause I had just one course. Okay, that's not the fault of my work when my pupil doesn't come to the extra lesson.

Unfortunately i couldn't go to theatre, there weren't cards anymore. So I'll go to theatre at Thursday at Göttingen and i think it's cooler than Agatha Christi - dutch dark fairy tales sound much cooler than a happy end. I hate happy ends. 'Cause in the real life dead is the only end. It's like this awful "i love you forever and always"-thing. Are you kidding me? Love can change, love can end suddenly or slowly in a million of different ways.
I felt in love a lot of times.
One guy was gay, another one just wanted ne just 'cause he doesn't want to be alone. And Last onr was enough for 6 years.
A sweet boy that i liked was too shy and broke up with me before it had really begun to be a relationship.
There was a guy who wss so gentle. But he had this ex girlfriend always on his mind.
I'm back ...
It was a long time. Many things changed. Now I am a completely different person than 2011 when I started theatre projects. Now I'm a little wiser than 3 years ago and i learned so much. I fell in love, my heart were broken, tears of pain, tears of joy. So many precious moments i try to capture in my heart.
Check it out ;)
  • Listening to: silence
  • Reading: what i wrote
  • Watching: on the monitor
  • Playing: does the inet work...?
  • Eating: air
  • Drinking: h2o out of the air - I know, I'm an alien